Orthodox Jewish Single Bloggers

Spotlight: Favorite Posts From Frum Single Bloggers

2007-09-04T17:07:00.000-04:00

It’s time to shine our famous spotlight on some new and old members of the ever growing world of Orthodox Single Bloggers.

First up is, Its an Investment, who is a 26 year old single woman with the quirkiest sense of humor you will ever meet!

If you would like to see a taste of her very refreshing and bold approach to her Frumster profile along with her brave stance when Frumster staff, hilariously, did not quite know what to make of her, check out this post.

Check her out if you like fresh, zingy, out there, non-conformists with a great sense of humor.

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Here is one of the nets most famous Orthodox Single Bloggers, Rabbi Josh, from Yutopia. Josh is an NT for those familiar with Myers Briggs and is highly intelligent and articulate.

Check out his brilliant advice for writing an online profile that will actually accomplish something. I have been meaning to write a post like that but he articulated it so well that I can just link to his post.

Even if Josh is not an appropriate match age/gender wise, you can still greatly benefit from his sage advice about fixing your online profile.

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Hesh from FrumSatire is one of the funniest, adventuresome, and tells it like it is, single frum males out there.

Check out his selection of favorite posts which include his classic and renowned post

“The all inclusive guide to judging and labeling every orthodox Jewish sect”

As well as his hilarious post about Shadchanim:

"Shadchuns really do ask the most ridiculous questions!!!"

Great stuff!

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If you would like to be in our next spotlight (or added to our updated blogroll) please email me links to your favorite or most descriptive posts.

This is not just for singles to look at. If you have an uncle, aunt, cousin, neighbor or friend that you think would connect with any one of these or other frum bloggers out there, tell them about it. You never know what a little effort can do.

There have been a number of Blog shidduchim out there. One was with a former and popular member of this blog, Karl.

Here is a small excerpt from his story:

“So the weeks go by, shidduch suggestions come & go, dates from hell, dates from the boring world of grey normality. And each of us would come home and blog about how bad it was, how lonely we felt and how useless the system was. We chatted some more and did our own thing. There was at some point before that when P-Life started his blog of Jewish Orthodox single bloggers, with a network to join. P-life suggested that J.O.S.B. was the way forward - I mean, you'd know so much about the person from their OWN writing and both people could read about each other first. I was not convinced. A) I could not relate a blogger to a normal suggested shidduch; B) who would want to meet me after reading what I write and C) there were no prospective orthodox female bloggers within 1000 miles from me that I knew of.”

Read the rest of his very happy story.

Blogging is the wave of the shidduch future. Come on and step up. Surf’s out!

My Secret Expose On The Shidduch World

2007-02-26T01:53:00.000-05:00

The deeper undercover in the shidduch world that I find myself the more bizarre it becomes. I am sincerely beginning to question the sanity or at least the IQ of the people who subject themselves to this or expect to find someone this way.

I try and give the benefit of the doubt to people even when they do something that I don’t feel is for me. But I am sitting here scratching my head trying to find some redeeming aspect to their system.

Please, if you can give me something that will allow me to see them in somewhat of a positive light, I would be indebted to you.

My aunt is part of one of these “Shidduch circles.” Basically a number of women get together to exchange questionnaires that single men and women have filled out, in the hope that one could suggest a Shidduch to a participant.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a beautiful thing when people make an effort to help others find an appropriate match, particularly in today’s day and age with so many older (wiser) singles. All of us singles need to be thankful and grateful to ANYONE that makes an effort on our behalf, regardless of outcome.

But I simply can not begin to fathom what they are doing. My aunt gave me about 20 such questionnaires from different women in my age range. Perhaps someone can help me determine which one might be the right one for me.

Each Q has all their background info like school, shul, references, age, height, religious category etc. Those categories make up about 85% of the Q. The following is their unique information:

Q1. Age - 30
Appearance – Very pretty, put together.
Personal Notes – Outgoing, warm, friendly, good hearted, down to earth, is close to family & friends. Enjoys mysteries & politics & the outdoors.
Looking For – Ben Torah, Koveah itim, also makes parnassah, mentch, good hearted, easy going.

Q2. Age - 29
Appearance – Blank
Personal Notes – Very involved in chesed. Very bright in both worldly things & Torah. Sense of humor, outgoing, many friends, generous, kind hearted.
Looking For – Baal midos tovos, someone who appreciates helping others. Someone who knows the importance of learning and wants to build a Torah home.

Q3. Age - 27
Appearance – Pretty, tall, slim, put together, very attractive.
Personal Notes – Good midos, good sense of humor, sensitive to the needs of others, sincere, honest, a good listener and a good friend.
Looking For – Someone honest with good midos and good hashkofos. Should be settled & know where he is headed in life.

Q4. Age - 25
Appearance – Slim & very pretty.
Personal Notes – Very pretty, bright, outgoing, a lot of fun, very sweet, friendly, good hearted, excellent with & loves children.
Looking For – A tall, good looking, outgoing bright boy who has personality, is with it, responsible, ambitious, well mannered, has good midos and making a good living.

(The following one was a bit longer, do you think it makes a better case for her???)

Q5. Age - 29
Appearance – Size 4, very pretty with long brown hair, dresses well and wears makeup, very put together.
Personal Notes – Warm, sweet, lively, friendly, kind hearted, outgoing, intelligent, good sense of humor, open-minded, flexible, creative, positive, and generous.
Looking For – A young man up to age 36 who plans to support his family. Someone kind, patient, easygoing, non-argumentative, intelligent, college educated, thinks of others, honest, responsible, generous, optimistic, open-minded, and flexible. (Not someone who smokes, gambles, or gets drunk.)

Okaaay! I had this great guy for you. He fits all your criteria but he is a bit of a gambler and a lush, so it’s a good thing you let me know you don’t find that attractive.

On and on I have a whole bunch more but its so repetitive, I am getting bored cutting and pasting the same terminology over and over.

Let’s see – practically everyone is, “Very pretty & slim.” They all pretty much are, “Outgoing, friendly, kind-hearted, etc.” and are looking for someone who is a, “Mentch, makes a good living, bright and kind.”

What is the point of collecting thousands of pages of meaningless information? Why would it be so hard to require that each single write a page about their approach to life, outlook, passions, WHY they like their hobbies, describe their uniqueness, etc???

I don’t mean to be mean about this, but I find it very illogical and silly. Can someone please enlighten me what I am missing here?

Scientific Proof That Being Orthodox And Single Is A Crisis.

2006-02-17T00:01:00.000-05:00

The following article from the New York Times reinforces how being married (happily) is crucial to our health and wellbeing.

Frum singles are suffering and its incumbent on all of us to make our most concerted efforts to alleviate this crisis in our midst. There are too many wonderful singles out there and it’s a crime to let them suffer.

Holding Loved One's Hand Can Calm Jittery Neurons

By BENEDICT CAREY
Published: January 31, 2006

Married women under extreme stress who reach out and hold their husbands' hands feel immediate relief, neuroscientists have found in what they say is the first study of how human touch affects the neural response to threatening situations.

The soothing effect of the touch could be seen in scans of areas deep in the brain that are involved in registering emotional and physical alarm.

The women received significantly more relief from their husbands' touch than from a stranger's, and those in particularly close marriages were most deeply comforted by their husbands' hands, the study found.

The findings help explain one of the longest-standing puzzles in social science: why married men and women are healthier on average than their peers. Husbands and wives who are close tend to limit each other's excesses like drinking and smoking but not enough to account for their better health compared with singles, researchers say.

"This is very imaginative, cutting-edge science, linking this complex response to stress to different areas of the brain," said Dr. Ronald Glaser, director of the Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research at Ohio State University, who was not involved in the study.

In the study, to appear in the journal Psychological Science this year, neuroscientists at the University of Wisconsin and the University of Virginia used newspaper advertisements to recruit 16 couples from the Madison, Wis., region. The couples were all rated as very happily married on an in-depth questionnaire asking about coping styles, intimacy and mutual interests.

Lying in the jaws of an M.R.I. scanning machine and knowing that they would periodically receive a mild electric shock to an ankle, the women were noticeably apprehensive. Brain images showed peaks of activation in regions involved in anticipating pain, heightening physical arousal and regulating negative emotions, among other systems.

But the moment that they felt their husbands' hands — the men reached into the imaging machine — each woman's activity level plunged in all the regions gearing up for the threat. A stranger's hand also provided some comfort, though less so.

"The effect of this simple gesture of social support is that the brain and body don't have to work as hard, they're less stressed in response to a threat," said Dr. James A. Coan, a psychologist at the University of Virginia and the study's lead author. His co-authors were Dr. Hillary Schaefer and Dr. Richard J. Davidson of the University of Wisconsin.

Relaxing in the face of a perceived threat is not always a good idea. The brain's alarm system, which prompts the release of stress hormones that increase heart rate and move blood to the muscles, prepares people to fight or run for their lives, researchers say.

But this system often becomes overactive in situations that are nagging but not life threatening like worries over relationships, deadlines, money or homework. Easy access to an affectionate touch in these moments — or to a hug, a back rub or more — "is a very good thing, is deeply soothing," Dr. Coan said.

The most profoundly comforting hand-holding was between "supercouples," whose scores on the marriage questionnaire reflected a extremely close relationship, the study found. The brain region involved in anticipating pain was particularly sensitive to this marital quality, suggesting that a touch between close partners can blunt the sensation of physical pain, which is related to the level of anticipation.

All of which also explains why the withdrawal or absence of affectionate touch can be so upsetting. In research published late last year, Dr. Glaser and his wife, Dr. Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, reported that blisters lingered longer during marital strife.

And rejection, the ultimate withdrawal of touch, registers in the brain much like an ankle shock, said Dr. Lucy Brown, a neuroscientist at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine. Fear of the shocks activated a region in the brain "that we saw activated in people looking at a beloved who had recently rejected them," Dr. Brown wrote in an e-mail message.

"Love has its risks," she added. "It can make us very unhappy," too.

Powerful article! Let’s do something about it! Let’s make some efforts to connect singles. Pick up the phone. Rack your brain for appropriate matches for your friend. Talk to people; mention the great single friends you have. When you meet an eligible single, right away try to think who he or she might be a good match for.

Heck, if you see two single Bloggers who you think might be a good match, contact them and let them know. Don’t be shy and sit back while this crisis is ongoing. Don’t let your brethren suffer in silence.

All it takes is a can do attitude!

Are Frumster's Membership Prices Reasonable Or A Rip-Off?

2006-01-18T02:23:00.000-05:00

A commentor on the previous post about Frumsters new policy had a bone to pick with their requiring premium upgrades (paid membership) in order to read and reply to emails.

He wrote:

"I respectfully want to take issue with the comments thus far regarding FRUMSTER. When the site was first started, it had many good and decent goals. Since it was sold to a new group about two years ago, FRUMSTER has become more of a dating web site and less of a site with lofty intentions for Jewish singles.

My concern is the marketing ploys they use to make users upgrade to more expensive plans. During Hanukah they allowed Basic members to send mail. If a Premium member responded, the Basic member could not read the mail even if the Premium member had paid for the mail service. Basic members had to purchase a monthly upgrade to read a single response. This happened to me.

Repeated Emails to Frumster did not correct this inadequacy, or result in a change in policy.

A few of my friends have removed themselves from the site entirely for this very reason."

At first I also was pretty upset that a basic member could not read emails. But after a while I realized its ridiculous to be cheap about the ten bucks that membership costs. I buy an occasional meal at a restaurant and don't think twice about spending $20 bucks. I can't spend that much on REAL possibilities of finding a mate?

The fact is that in the last two years Frumster has grown and is producing RESULTS. Their 20,000 member and 550 matches (18 a month!) is very much worth supporting. I know that we are spoiled and got used to having their services for free. But if you want a website that has a staff and can continue to expand, grow, and market themselves, that costs money.

It would be in EVERYONE'S benefit if Frumster is financially successful. I don't think its too much to ask to spend $108 a year for the opportunity to search and correspond with the LARGEST possible Frum dating pool. Heck, give up 5 fast food meals a year and it covers your Frumster membership. Instead of going on a terrible blind date and spending $100 on one wasted night, you can save that cash by corresponding a bit and getting to know your potential date through their profile and email.

Heck, one singles event weekend costs three or four times as much. Compared to most other ways of meeting singles, Frumster is a bargain by comparison.

I will make an even stronger statement. If you don't have $108 dollars a year to spend on the largest dating potential then you are not ready to get married.

Even worse are the straight out thieves who disguise their email address in their profiles. Hello! Have you ever heard of stealing??? Open a Shulchen Auruch, or speak to ANY Rav, it is stealing! In my book that disqualifies someone as a potential match. If you don't like their terms of service and don't want to pay, you don’t have to, but don’t try and sneak in the back door. Nobody is forcing you to be a member.

If Frumster does something really egregious then members should stand up and have their voices heard in protest. If enough members complain they will accommodate the members. They are a business after all and the customer is always right, except when the customer DOES NOT WANT TO PAY. Then they are not really customers, are they? ;-)

The New Dating Website For The “Differently Observant” - Frumster Lite

2005-12-25T02:43:00.000-05:00

Everyone who knows me knows that I am the biggest Frumster fan. I have been encouraging all the singles I know to take the time and put up a thoughtful profile that truly reflects their personality, hashkofa, goals and aspirations in life.

I believe that empowering singles by enabling them to express, in their own words, who they are and what they want, and being able to choose based on YOUR own judgment, is the best way to go. If everyone would sign up you would also have the largest possible dating pool to choose from regardless of location or your limited social network.

Because I practice what I preach, I have gone as far as to tell any shadchan that if they want to set me up with someone they should forward me that person’s screen name and I will take it from there. If they don’t have an online profile, I am not interested in dating them, because there is no legitimate excuse for a person over 25 who is a mature, intelligent and capable person, not to have a profile.

My strong belief in Frumster has born fruit. It has now grown to over 20,000 members and at last count 526 matches in just a few years of existence. (It's averaging 16 matches a month!)

In a recent article in The Jewish Week, Derek Saker, Frumster’s marketing director, discusses Frumster’s new approach to gaining market share by embracing non-orthodox members.

“The challenge, Saker observes, is to transform the word itself and reinvent it as a less religiously charged term meaning “Jewish Dating for Marriage.” But even if the word “frum” retains a negative connotation for some differently observant singles, Saker says, “Frumster is creatively working to redefine the inferred service from ‘religious-only singles’ to a service for ‘all singles who are religiously looking to get married.’”

In other words, Frumster is trying to capitalize on its success and muscle in on the big boys like JDate by opening its doors wide to the “differently observant”.

About a year ago Frumster asked its members if it would be okay for them to expand their categories to people who are not quite religious or Orthodox but were looking to move in that direction. (Hence the Traditional and Growing category.) I was all for it because I believe it’s more important where you are going than where you have been.

However this new approach is a whole nother ball of wax.

I am not against their efforts to become (more) profitable. I think the more financially viable Frumster is the better website it will be for all.

My big issue with their new approach is twofold.

1. By including Conservadox, Conservative, Traditional, Reform, Reconstructionist and any other form of Judaism that does not believe that the Torah was given to Moses at Sinai, they are NOT going to create more matches.

I can’t speak for the Modern Orthodox Liberal crowd (please voice your opinion) but I can tell you that no Modern Orthodox Machmir, Yeshivish Modern and up category would consider dating the prior categories.

So what is the purpose of adding them to the site? Neither group will intermarry each other and at the end of the day, that is the bottom line – putting people who are eligible to marry each other in the same pool.

2. I have been working hard to encourage the more insular Yeshivish crowd to join Frumster. I think there is a huge market there that is struggling terribly and could greatly benefit from using Frumster. Slowly but surely this crowd has been joining up and it is becoming more acceptable in those circles. Adding in non-orthodox members will alienate this crowd and give fuel to small minded people to ban and discourage online dating.

My solution is as follows and should satisfy EVERYONE.

Make a sister site called Frumster Lite (Tastes better, less fulfilling ;-) for the “differently observant”. (If that moniker, Frumster Lite, is not offensive to the non-Orthodox crowd. If it is, come up with some other p.c. name rather than trying to remake the term “Frumster”.) Have all the non-Orthodox people on Frumster Lite. This way there will be a place for people who are tired of some JDate members' disregard for the letter J in JDate. It will be a site for people who are seriously trying to get married and whose Judaism is important to them.

I am all for inclusion and loving your fellow Jew, regardless of affiliation. But in this context it’s simply not honest and counter-productive to Frumster's purpose and its success. Hopefully Frumster will come to its senses and set up a sister site.

Eyes Only For Each Other: At Least For The Next Three Minutes

2005-12-11T16:14:00.000-05:00

The following is an excerpt from an article in today’s New York Times.

Eyes Only For Each Other: At Least For The Next Three Minutes

By RICHARD MORGAN
Published: December 11, 2005

Be clear about one thing: It's not a staring contest.

"Staring is so pedestrian," said Michael Ellsberg, a 28-year-old Web designer and salsa teacher from Williamsburg, Brooklyn. "This is gazing."

Mr. Ellsberg's approach is simple: speed dating without the speed. Rather than condemn singles to yammering about tired topics like where they grew up and what they do for a living, Mr. Ellsberg created Eye Gazing Parties, events at which singles sit and stare at one another in silence for three minutes at a time.

…In this city of a million ways to meet a potential mate, he may find a niche.

"It's the opposite of speed dating, in a way," said Doug Prince, a 28-year-old technology salesman from Astoria, Queens, who was one of 32 men and women who attended the inaugural gazing Wednesday night at the Bacchus Room, on Second Avenue near Third Street. "It's about intimacy, not urgency."

To the accompaniment of Brazilian samba and Cuban son music, women sat at small candlelit tables while men shifted seats after each three-minute gaze. Some participants giggled. Others let their eyes wander. A few broke the silence with a hushed "Thanks" or "You're really good at this."

Many of the gazers, who ranged in age from mid-20's to mid-30's, acknowledged that they were captivated by the counterintuitive nature of the endeavor…

…Stripped of words and, even better, pickup lines, the gazers resorted to gestural cues. Posture, facial expression, the placement of hands - all gained greater significance.

Or, as Ryan Parks, a 26-year-old hedge fund research analyst from Brooklyn Heights, summed it up: "Why are you sad? Why are you optimistic? You start asking yourself all these deep questions about the person you're looking at, and they're all so much better than the dumb questions of normal small talk."

Sometimes, he added of his fellow gazers, "they'd be happy in one eye and sad in the other. It was wild."

Will wonders never cease??? What will they think of next??? I actually really like that people are trying to come up with new and innovative ways to match people up. Hey, I would really like to see someone who is happy in one eye and sad in the other. That is quite a creative talent!

In all seriousness, I think this approach is counter to an Orthodox or ANY serious approach to meet a marriage minded person. This sort of “gazing” while legally Kosher, is an exercise in creating intimacy and emotional connection BEFORE determining if your Hashkofa, life outlook, and personality are compatible. It creates a false sense of connection while leaving the most crucial aspects of long term compatibility unexplored.

That is the same sort of objection I have to the notion of “Love at first sight”.

Would any marriage-minded person seriously consider trying the “Gazing” approach?

Devotedly Adored, Forever After?

2005-11-13T03:05:00.000-05:00

I came across a Frumster profile recently and I had very mixed feelings about it. This particular woman was not for me for various reasons, but something that she said really struck me.

She wrote as follows:

“…Talmud speaks about marriage when it says "A man who finds a woman finds goodness." The man I marry will be honored and adored by me, never criticized. I will support and challenge you to remain grounded in Torah as we grow old together, and will forever be your Aishes Chayil.

When G-D said it was not good for man to be alone, He created a woman to be his helpmate. I will help you lead a Torah-observant lifestyle so you will never be alone.

I also want you to be happy, so as your wife I will stay in shape and always look my best, be emotionally available, nurture and invest in our marriage, give you children (G-d willing), and/or be a good Jewish mother to those you have---and maintain a Kosher Heimishe home as we work side-by-side to build a life together. You will experience the love of Torah whenever you come home and I will ALWAYS be at your side during the good times as well as the bad. Your joy will be my joy, and your sadness will be my sadness. I will be your greatest asset, and you will be my best friend as I devote my love and life to you.”

After I read that I had such mixed feelings about it. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but there seemed like there was something wrong with what she wrote.

After I read it a few more times I realized that there wasn’t a particular sentence that I could find fault with. I sadly concluded that even I was influenced by secular feminist culture that somehow there is something wrong about a woman who wants to completely devote herself to a man.

She is not saying she is less than a man in any way, rather she is willing to be completely devoted in order to “work side-by-side to build a life together”.

I do think that I will take with a grain of salt her statement that she would NEVER criticize her husband. But I appreciate the intention and effort on her part.

Is her devotion realistic or too much to expect from a mate?

What’s A Modern Girl To Do? Feminism and The Orthodox Dating Scene

2005-11-06T01:02:00.000-05:00

Last week in the Sunday Times Magazine there was an eye-opening astounding article by Maureen Dowd. Normally her columns in the New York Times are ones that I skip as she tends to use a lot of name calling and childish type of arguments. Her politics is also on the opposite end of the spectrum than mine.

That is why it’s so shocking for her to write an article that once and for all puts the nails in the coffin of feminism. Her article is stunning as it is penned by someone who you would think is the epitome of feminist secular culture.

As a single woman in her upper thirties Maureen describes the utter disillusionment she has with the feminist movement and how it has left her and her peers – single professional women in their mid to upper thirties who have bought into feminism – distraught and alone.

While the failure of feminism is the thrust of her article she also decries the opposite end of that spectrum, women who hook up, fall prey to men’s depraved desires, and lead empty and unsatisfying lives.

I must say that unfortunately a lot of secular cultures notions about feminism have seeped into the Orthodox world. I have been astounded at many Orthodox women’s misunderstanding about the Torah outlook on equality and women’s role.

There is no question that this has led to much difficulties in the dating scene and a well meaning concept has done much damage to the people it was trying to help.

What’s A Modern Girl To Do?
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: October 30, 2005

Here are some crucial excerpts from her article:

“…Little did I realize that the feminist revolution would have the unexpected consequence of intensifying the confusion between the sexes, leaving women in a tangle of dependence and independence as they entered the 21st century.

Maybe we should have known that the story of women's progress would be more of a zigzag than a superhighway, that the triumph of feminism would last a nanosecond while the backlash lasted 40 years.

Despite the best efforts of philosophers, politicians, historians, novelists, screenwriters, linguists, therapists, anthropologists and facilitators, men and women are still in a muddle in the boardroom, the bedroom and the Situation Room.”

The biggest misconception that feminist have is that equality means men and women having the same roles. These feminist could not accept that two genders with different roles can still be equal. Thus their conclusion that everyone can and should do and be everything and there are no intrinsic preferences based on gender, has left men and women in a state of muddled confusion.

The article continues:

“…So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? Do women get less desirable as they get more successful?

…Women moving up still strive to marry up. Men moving up still tend to marry down. The two sexes' going in opposite directions has led to an epidemic of professional women missing out on husbands and kids.

Sylvia Ann Hewlett, an economist and the author of "Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children," a book published in 2002, conducted a survey and found that 55 percent of 35-year-old career women were childless. And among corporate executives who earn $100,000 or more, she said, 49 percent of the women did not have children, compared with only 19 percent of the men.

Hewlett quantified, yet again, that men have an unfair advantage. "Nowadays," she said, "the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child. For men, the reverse is true."

Calling a natural design in men and women an “unfair advantage” is not only silly but belittles the astounding power of a woman to create and bring forth life. It was not a patriarchal society that gave women wombs or the nurturing abilities that a mother has.

That one of the results of feminism is that 55 percent of 35-year-old career women are childless, is a travesty and a terrible crime that was indoctrinated upon impressionable young women.

Before anyone jumps into a hissy fit and thinks that I am advocating all women being uneducated, barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, let me assure you that is not my philosophy, nor is it a Torah philosophy.

What I will say is that having and nurturing a family life should be EVERYONES priority. A woman can and should be educated and involved in work or creative pursuits, and still prioritize child raising and nurturing.

As the article wisely continues:

“…The Times recently ran a front-page article about young women attending Ivy League colleges, women who are being groomed to take their places in the professional and political elite, who are planning to reject careers in favor of playing traditional roles, staying home and raising children.

"My mother always told me you can't be the best career woman and the best mother at the same time," the brainy, accomplished Cynthia Liu told Louise Story, explaining why she hoped to be a stay-at-home mom a few years after she goes to law school. "You always have to choose one over the other."

…Cynthia Russett, a professor of American history at Yale, told Story that women today are simply more "realistic," having seen the dashed utopia of those who assumed it wouldn't be so hard to combine full-time work and child rearing.”

Being happy and successful does not mean having to keep up with men’s work habits and schedules. The ivy league graduate who is taking time off to focus on family life, will have plenty of opportunities to have a meaningful work or creative experience, whether its part time, home based, or when the children are grown or more independent.

By prioritizing her family life she is being true to herself, her nature, and her biology.

She concludes her article:

“...It was naïve and misguided for the early feminists to tendentiously demonize Barbie and Cosmo girl, to disdain such female proclivities as shopping, applying makeup and hunting for sexy shoes and cute boyfriends and to prognosticate a world where men and women dressed alike and worked alike in navy suits and were equal in every way.”

The feminist’s vision of a unisex world has led to sowing terrible confusion and pain to so many. Case in point is Maureen Dowd. You can see the pain in this article as she tries to make sense of a world that tells her not to be herself and has left her in a painful and lonely state. I truly empathize with her struggle and I wish for her to find a man’s man who will fulfill her needs and together can build a happy home.

I actually think that this article is a sort of a singles ad or profile and it was a wise thing for Maureen to do. I wish her the best.

Who would have thought that the day would come that Conservative Republican / Libertarian and Orthodox Jew, P-Life, would agree wholeheartedly with Leftist Liberal and Secular, Maureen Dowd???

Will wonders never cease! ;-)

I have heard discussions in more liberal Orthodox communities stating with dismay how Maureen has betrayed and abandoned their cause and values.

What is your take on feminism and its impact on Orthodox singles and the dating scene? Have you been personally effected by its misguided message? Or do you still believe it has validity?

Calling All Zionists: A Call To Action!

2005-10-30T20:35:00.000-05:00

I had no idea when I posted last week about Zionism and dating what a firestorm I would be causing in the Zionistic Blogosphere. On Arutz Sheva – Israel National News.com, Kumah.org, Israel Perspectives, Cosmicx, Blogs Of Zion, and others picked up the story and responded with an outpouring of deeply held emotions and fervor.

I must say that I am quite moved by their passion and heartfelt love for Israel and the Jewish nation. I greatly respect their sacrifice and actually living their ideals even at great cost to themselves.

I now have a very special request. Let’s have something very positive come out from this brouhaha. This blog is about doing something on the macro and micro level of the singles crisis. All movements must do concrete real actions to be effective on a larger scale. The famous motto, “Be the change you want to see in the world” is very apropos here.

I call upon all Zionists that have been asking and encouraging us Diaspora Jews to join you in the Holy Land. Here are three amazing, elevated, self sacrificing, beautiful women who have heeded your call and have made the move to Israel. They have followed their hearts and seen the light, they have done their part. Now I ask you to actively and aggressively do your part.

Please make it an active goal of yours to help them find their bashert. They have left friends and family behind, it’s now time for you to look upon them as your sisters, daughters and neighbors.

Read their blogs, tell all single appropriate men to read their blogs and contact them if they think appropriate. Contact them (they all have contact emails on their blogs) and invite them for Shabbos. Speak to them on the phone and invite them for an evening to get to know them better. Have them on your mind when you go about your business, perhaps you will bump into a single appropriate mench that might be suitable for them.

In other words take active, concrete steps to help them find their soulmates so they can truly do the mitzvoh of settling in the land. It is not enough to advocate and ask others to sacrifice, each and every one of us has the responsibility to follow through and actively take part in trying to help our brothers and sisters find happiness and contentment.

When you do take an action please leave a comment that you have done so. You don’t have to be specific, just state what you did. “I told my neighbor’s son about one of their blogs that I thought might fit with him and he said he will look at it.” Or, “I invited 2 of the women to my house for Shabbos so my wife can meet them and perhaps recommend someone.”

By leaving a comment you will encourage others to also take action and change someone’s life forever. Please take an active step today. You never know what you can accomplish when you just commit your mind to making a difference.

Hatzlocha!

First we have Sarah from Chayyei Sarah fame, a 33 year old Oleh from America, who just today writes about the struggle and weariness of the dating life in

Why Its Not Worth To Cry.

In a recent post we had a spotlight on her along with some other great Bloggers.

Gila who is a 25 year old woman who made Aliyah from Australia.

In this post she writes about some of the frustrations with dating, but you can get a good sense of the type of man she would want to date.

Dating Game.

You can also see her in her joyous exuberance about living in the Holy Land here:

If I Forget.

Finally a woman, Haddasah, 32, (not her real name) who contacted me on Frumster and we had the following exchange:

Haddasah wrote,

I would love to respond in detail to your "profile" but you have left me speechless (doesn't usually happen). Yet, I did not want to wait to contact you until I found the right words. So even though I will not do justice to what you have written, let me begin by saying that I am a passionate, spiritual-but-grounded person, who always tries to see the beauty in the world (I try to look at the sky at least once a day to appreciate the clouds, the amazing colors, the moon, stars, etc. I would love to find someone who appreciates Israel like I do (or is open to me helping them learn to appreciate it) is involved with Torah-study because he wants to be, not because he knows his wife wants him to be, who would have no problem joining in some of my favorite activities, like going to Hadassah Ein Kerem hospital to give out toys to children. I love music, Art, outdoors, indoors and am open to just about anything.

For a start, if this interests you, please feel free to e-mail.

I responded:

Dear Haddasah,

Thank you so much for your very kind words. You brought a smile to my face and brightened my day. ;-)

You clearly are a very thoughtful, kind, and caring person who really has a great approach and outlook on life. There are a limited number of people who have a certain approach about giving of themselves and being there for others and its always a pleasure to bump into one such as yourself.

Before we go any further, I do believe that we have a big obstacle in our differing living situations. You specifically note in your profile that you adamantly wish to live in Israel and are looking for someone who is open to that possibility. While I love Israel and I try to spend significant time there every year or every other year, it’s not a possibility for me to live there at this time.

I am curious as to why you feel the way you do about Israel. Did your family make Aliyah? Did you make Aliyah by yourself?

In any event, I thank you for your very kind words and I want to wish you for you tremendous Hatzlocha in finding a Zivug and in all your endeavors.

Have a glorious day!

Passionate Life ;-)

Haddassah responded,

I love Eretz Yisroel because my soul feels alive here, I feel a connection to Hashem here that I thought I had in Chutz Laaretz but only found out when I came here that it was not as close and real as it is here. I made Aliyah by myself and originally had only intended to be here for 3 months.

I am always surprised when I meet a person who is so in touch with his feelings and obviously a deep-thinker and probably a deep feeler as well, who does not hear his soul calling out to Eretz Yisroel.

Good luck to you too.

Haddasah

(If you would like more information on Haddasah, please e-mail me at orthosinglesblog@aol.com)

Please do your part and actively take a role in helping these incredible women find their Bashert and settle down in the Holy Land.

May we all hear great news soon!

Spotlight: Favorite Posts From Frum Single Bloggers

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First we have MCAryeh over at A Whispering Soul.

He is a thirty-something New Yorker who has become quite the fan favorite in the Orthodox Blogosphere. He is renowned for his gentlemanly manner while being original and insightful.

Take a look at his hilarious post about the consequences of dating someone who brings a bag of papaya on a date! Then again he just might be spreading the dating trend of no questions allowed!

Read: No Questions Asked

Or read his approach to Orthodox Judaism and his bravery in paving a new path and then surprisingly finding many who share his outlook.

Read: Stuck In The Middle With You

Next we have Karl over at Knifedge.

He will give you a shout when he uses the loo because he is in his mid-twenties and from London. (Love those Brits!)

Karl is famous for his almost too honest approach to blogging. He wants to do the right thing and strives to constantly grow and learn while navigating the sometimes very confusing byzantine rules and regulations of customs, minhag, stringencies, and Halacha.

Case in point is his post about striving to do the right thing but confusion reigns supreme regarding the Halachos surrounding drinking in a pub for business purposes.

Read: Wine Knot

Another post that we all can identify with is his mixed feelings about Shadchonim

Read: Nothing New

Next up is one of the most well known single Bloggers, Sarah over at Chayyei Sarah.

Sarah is a thirty-something American who bravely made Aliyah and regales us with her tales about adjusting to living and dating in Israel.

While her post on sacrifice may seem trivial, it is anything but. We all have certain customs or halachas that many may consider trivial but our devoted adherence reflects a commitment that we undertook to G-d. No matter how many times an inner voice tells us we may be acting foolish, our commitment and unwavering devotion symbolizes that while we might not always act as committed as we would like to be, this small act represents our love and commitment to Hashem and hopefully will expand to all facets of our lives.

Read: Sacrifices I Make For G-d

Of course when it comes to pitting the forces of Misguided versus Torah Guided, Spider-Man will be the clear victor! You can take that to the bank! ;-)

Read: Batman vs. Spider-Man

Her next post should be made into leaflets and handed to all married and other wise engaged men. In fact Sarah, you should probably write a book, Socializing For Married Dummies!

Read: Open Letter To Men Who Are Married

Which brings us to our last single blogger of tonight’s post, Lvnsm27 over at A Bit Of Light.

She is a mid-twenties New Yorker with a great imagination and a true love and great defender of Torah Judaism.

Her next post clearly qualifies her to be on the Torah Guided, Spider-Man team.

Read: For Those Off Or Going Off The Derech

She also fantasies about bumping into fellow Bloggers. If you think that is wild, imagine marrying a fellow blogger???

Read: Man There Are So Many Blogs Out There

Which of these posts is your favorite? Which one connected with you and made you nod your head in agreement?

What are some of your favorite posts from other single Bloggers? Don’t be shy; leave a link in the comments. You just might cause someone to catch a Bloggers fancy and be greatly rewarded for causing the first blogger shidduch!!!

Is Religious Zionism Destructive For Orthodox Singles?

2005-10-21T00:09:00.000-04:00

I came across a great profile on Frumster. She is an American in her thirties, intelligent, insightful, charming, witty, multifaceted, and spiritual. As I am reading her substantive and intriguing profile, I can feel that sense of hope rising within me. You know the sense that perhaps this woman has that unique set of characteristics that just might be complimentary with your own. Perhaps you indulge in a moment of daydreaming imagining yourself on a beautiful and sunny day lounging in a garden with this person and having an inspirational and soul connecting conversation.

Her way with words, her view of the world, and her interaction with mankind, all have a sense of familiarity; all inspire a warm sensation of home, safety, and connection in the deepest, most innermost part of your being.

Then, just as the reflection of the sun in her hair is causing you to do a double take and make sure that she is not really an angel as she appears to be, you hear a terrible screech!!!!

Your daydream is shattered by the last line in her profile.

"Living in Israel does not have to be 4sure - but has to at least be 'in the cards' as an option."

"What????" You hear yourself utter in dismay.

A voice reverberates in your head, "I can't believe you would give up on our future, our potentially amazing compatibility, just because of that one line! Just because you have a love for the Holy Land, does it necessitate giving up on a possible soulmate because you are convinced that you must live in Israel?"

Unfortunately the answer is yes. That one line prevented me from writing to her and exploring any possibilities between us. I have also had numerous interactions with incredible, passionate, intelligent and insightful women who, due to their insistence that they can ONLY live in Israel, ended any possibility of our dating.

You might ask, why shouldn’t I consider moving to Israel as well? For myself, and I know for many other men and women, the notion of moving away from friends and family, our shiurim and rabbis, from our hard fought and well established careers and livelihoods, from our community and chesed involvements, and most of all not being able to see our darling nephews and nieces grow and blossom, is counterproductive to the kind of lives we seek.

Don’t get me wrong, we love Israel as well. We too feel the siren song of its holiness, the heavy and intoxicating weight of our history embedded in every square foot of the land. The multitude of our brethren interspersed throughout the land, meeting and greeting Jews from every walk of life, are all great lures.

We look forward to visiting Israel as much as possible. Some of us make sure to visit at least once a year. But to ask us to uproot ourselves and disconnect from our environment on a permanent basis, is unfair and unrealistic.

That leaves a great breach in the Orthodox singles scene. One of our greatest problems is the minuscule dating pool that has been splintered through divisive labels (Yeshivish, Modern Orthodox, Chasidish, etc.) is now being splintered even further. That leaves more and more singles frustrated and alone and causes great pain and damage to all.

The question is, should Orthodox singles make living in Israel a do or die issue when it comes to dating?

Are the Aliyah promoting organizations and Israeli seminary’s doing a great disservice by promoting Aliyah with such fervor to singles?

It is true that many believe that we have an obligation and can only fulfill many mitzvahs by living in Israel. Is it still a mitzvah when you weigh it against the damage being done to singles overall?

Should these Diaspora singles who insist on living in Israel and sacrifice so much for their love of Hashem and the Holy Land be applauded for their idealism as brave pioneers?

Or is it a spiritual indulgence (albeit a heartfelt and sincere one) that is causing the splintering of the already too small dating pool? In the greater scheme of things is this idealism causing great damage to both the idealist and his or her soulmate who just might not be willing to forsake family and friends?

Your thoughts?

Hilarious Frum Dating Video

2005-10-10T03:00:00.000-04:00

Speaks for itself! Ha!

The Dating Life.

Hat tip to Yeshiva Orthodoxy & Comment This Out for the link.

Calling All Orthodox Single Bloggers!

2005-10-07T15:23:00.000-04:00

Why Finding A Shidduch Through Reading Blogs Makes A Lot Of Sense.

Let’s face it, finding someone who fits our criteria of the type of person we would like to date is difficult. The normal venues are limited and each has its pitfalls. In essence, dating is about becoming familiar with someone and understanding how they think and react to the vicissitudes of life.

Choosing whether to date someone through perusing their blog is probably the most efficient way to see the core of a person (short of actually dating them for 3 months). Reading through a period of six months, a year, or more should give you a very good picture of that person’s internal make up. You will have seen the aforementioned person in all kinds of situations and scenarios, such as seeing how they deal with rude or obnoxious commentors or even how they respond to those very special lovely commentors. Through good times and bad their true personality, opinions, and temperament will shine through.

Bloggers are also a hearty bunch. We share strong opinions, are known to have a wicked sense of humor and occasionally write very touching portrayals of life. We are entertaining, thoughtful, and creative (at least we like to think so ;-) and someone, somewhere, seems to resonate with our sentiments.

We covered why you should date Bloggers; now let’s cover the criteria for joining this blog.

It’s pretty simple, we don’t believe in labels or making religious judgments. All you need to do is consider yourself Orthodox, be single, have a blog and we will be more than happy to add you to our blogroll. In exchange we ask you to add our link to your site as well.

E-mail us at orthosinglesblog@aol.com with the following information and we will add you to the blogroll.

The following questions are mandatory:

Your blog and URL
Gender
Age range – 18 - 25, 25 – 30, 30 – 35, 35 – 40, 40 – 50
(If you wish to specify your exact age, that’s great too.)

The following are highly recommended but not mandatory:

(Be as specific or as non-specific as you like.)

Location – City or region.
Occupation - Job or industry.
Personality type (If you don’t know take the test - Jung Typology Test)
Name that you are known on your blog or in comments

You can also join our webring. Scroll to the bottom of the page and click join.

Lastly, if you would like to join as a writer or researcher on this blog, please drop us a note.

Enjoy! ;-)