My Secret Expose On The Shidduch World

The deeper undercover in the shidduch world that I find myself the more bizarre it becomes. I am sincerely beginning to question the sanity or at least the IQ of the people who subject themselves to this or expect to find someone this way.

I try and give the benefit of the doubt to people even when they do something that I don’t feel is for me. But I am sitting here scratching my head trying to find some redeeming aspect to their system.

Please, if you can give me something that will allow me to see them in somewhat of a positive light, I would be indebted to you.

My aunt is part of one of these “Shidduch circles.” Basically a number of women get together to exchange questionnaires that single men and women have filled out, in the hope that one could suggest a Shidduch to a participant.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a beautiful thing when people make an effort to help others find an appropriate match, particularly in today’s day and age with so many older (wiser) singles. All of us singles need to be thankful and grateful to ANYONE that makes an effort on our behalf, regardless of outcome.

But I simply can not begin to fathom what they are doing. My aunt gave me about 20 such questionnaires from different women in my age range. Perhaps someone can help me determine which one might be the right one for me.

Each Q has all their background info like school, shul, references, age, height, religious category etc. Those categories make up about 85% of the Q. The following is their unique information:


Q1. Age - 30
Appearance – Very pretty, put together.
Personal Notes – Outgoing, warm, friendly, good hearted, down to earth, is close to family & friends. Enjoys mysteries & politics & the outdoors.
Looking For – Ben Torah, Koveah itim, also makes parnassah, mentch, good hearted, easy going.

Q2. Age - 29
Appearance – Blank
Personal Notes – Very involved in chesed. Very bright in both worldly things & Torah. Sense of humor, outgoing, many friends, generous, kind hearted.
Looking For – Baal midos tovos, someone who appreciates helping others. Someone who knows the importance of learning and wants to build a Torah home.

Q3. Age - 27
Appearance – Pretty, tall, slim, put together, very attractive.
Personal Notes – Good midos, good sense of humor, sensitive to the needs of others, sincere, honest, a good listener and a good friend.
Looking For – Someone honest with good midos and good hashkofos. Should be settled & know where he is headed in life.

Q4. Age - 25
Appearance – Slim & very pretty.
Personal Notes – Very pretty, bright, outgoing, a lot of fun, very sweet, friendly, good hearted, excellent with & loves children.
Looking For – A tall, good looking, outgoing bright boy who has personality, is with it, responsible, ambitious, well mannered, has good midos and making a good living.

(The following one was a bit longer, do you think it makes a better case for her???)

Q5. Age - 29
Appearance – Size 4, very pretty with long brown hair, dresses well and wears makeup, very put together.
Personal Notes – Warm, sweet, lively, friendly, kind hearted, outgoing, intelligent, good sense of humor, open-minded, flexible, creative, positive, and generous.
Looking For – A young man up to age 36 who plans to support his family. Someone kind, patient, easygoing, non-argumentative, intelligent, college educated, thinks of others, honest, responsible, generous, optimistic, open-minded, and flexible. (Not someone who smokes, gambles, or gets drunk.)

Okaaay! I had this great guy for you. He fits all your criteria but he is a bit of a gambler and a lush, so it’s a good thing you let me know you don’t find that attractive.

On and on I have a whole bunch more but its so repetitive, I am getting bored cutting and pasting the same terminology over and over.

Let’s see – practically everyone is, “Very pretty & slim.” They all pretty much are, “Outgoing, friendly, kind-hearted, etc.” and are looking for someone who is a, “Mentch, makes a good living, bright and kind.”


What is the point of collecting thousands of pages of meaningless information? Why would it be so hard to require that each single write a page about their approach to life, outlook, passions, WHY they like their hobbies, describe their uniqueness, etc???

I don’t mean to be mean about this, but I find it very illogical and silly. Can someone please enlighten me what I am missing here?